like a comet pulled from orbit
by boys and girls look to the sky
Summary: She's not Milah, but Killian gave her his heart anyway. - Captain Swan, just some thoughtless introspective after tonight's finale


She's not Milah.

That's something he's known from the very beginning, from the moment she pulled his head back to hold a knife to his throat to now, watching her cradle his heart in her hands like it's something precious, another something to protect. Emma, he knows, is a different sort of firebrand, her determination stemming not from her desire to run away from her responsibilities, but to fulfill them.

The Savior, it seems, has no restrictions on who she can and cannot save. Even though he knows he only survived tonight due to the courage of the Crocodile's little wife, it was because of Emma, always Emma, that he had been up there in that clock tower in the first place.

(Trying to do the right thing, the _bloody right thing_ for once. What would have happened had Belle not intervened, he wonders. He made Rumpelstiltskin promise to leave the town alone, but what about the rest of the world?

Well. We can't all be heroes, now, can we?)

She's not Milah. He knows this because he loved Milah, the woman with the wind in her hair and sailor's heart, loved the way she'd bite her lip whenever she was bluffing at cards, the way she'd tilt her head and laugh at the stupidity of the world with him, and most of all he loved her for the way the stars shone in her eyes the night she looked up at him and said, "Take me away from this, all of this."

And he did, because what kind of gentleman would Killian be not to end the misery of a such a beautiful lady?

He can't imagine Emma asking for that. Not in a million years, not now. The girl who gave away a son she was so frightened of is so different from this woman now, who waited 28 years for a family that took blood and tears and sweat to get to, who now would fight and die and do anything just to keep them.

Emma Swan is the hero he doesn't deserve.

* * *

"You tried to tell me, didn't you."

It's not a question, but its the only thing she says to him the entire time on their way back to Granny's. Killian isn't quite sure the extent of her anger towards him. He can't help but remember what happened the last time he kept a secret like this, and wouldn't be surprised if this turns out to be worse.

After all. He promised her he wasn't going anywhere.

She's not Milah. He's known this since the moment she left him at the top of the beanstalk. There is something so very angry inside her, something fierce and sharp edged, something that he only has caught glimpses of here and there (and occasionally had the misfortune to be on the opposite end of). It's something she's honed and perfected throughout her years, something more than her magic or her lie-detecting superpower. It's the intense desire to see the people she loves safe. It could be Emma Swan against the world, and the entire world be damned if it gets between her and her son, her parents, her friends.

(He wonders whatever he did to deserve this anger on his account, too. When was the moment he became one of those lucky few that the Savior would go to war for?)

"I tried to tell you," is all he can say when they finally step into Granny's, when the two of them slip away from the celebrations of yet another curse broken into the dimly lit hallway. "I wanted to tell you, believe me, Swan, I just..."

He is a pirate, a villain of the very worst sort. He sees his softly glowing heart, beating to an unseen drum, in time to the never ceasing tides of the sea, and if he closes his eyes he might be able to feel her fingers curled around it. She is literally holding his life in her hands, and Killian is surprised to realize that he doesn't mind. If anyone would be able to keep it protected, guarded, safe and sound, it would be her.

(It's so red, though, so _bright_ and a part of him can't bear to look at it. If that's what his looks like, him, with his sins and his demons and all this blood on his hand(s?), then maybe, just maybe...)

"I know."

She's not Milah. Her eyes don't quite shine with that light. Her shoulders are too hunched with the burden of everything she needs to be, the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, a product of True Love, the Savior and Mother of the Truest Believer. He didn't know her when she was just Emma.

(How could he have added to it? How could he have possibly ask to be saved when she had the Ice Queen to worry about, her own magic and her own family and she didn't need all of his mistakes on top of all that.

And it's times like these that Killian understands just why Baelfire left her. Why her parents sent her away. Maybe that's what love really is.

All he knows is that he would gladly give up his heart if it would only make hers a tiny bit lighter.)

* * *

"Just do it gentl - ngh!"

"Sorry! I thought it would be like ripping off a band-"

She doesn't get to finish the rest of her apology because suddenly his lips are pressed against hers, the feel of her hair and the scent of her shampoo suddenly rushing over him as though his senses are fully awake once again. It's not like that good-bye kiss, not that he felt much of that anyway, but it's still just as wild of a hello. They cling to each other the way shipwrecked sailors cling to driftwood, lost at sea, and though Killian has never been quite close to drowning, he imagines it's a bit like this, this utter breathlessness and dizziness and _god _it would've been worth it to die if it meant he could have kissed her like this.

She's not Milah. He never remembers kissing Milah with such desperation, as though he were afraid she would disappear should he let go for a single moment. There were lighter kisses, not that they were lacking in love, but that it was as though they had all the time in the world. Before the Dark One, before the curse, before this never-ending procession of lives to be saved, when he was younger and happier and, well. Maybe his heart had been darker then, maybe he had been a villain of the devilishly-handsome sort, but it's not like he would have known.

But it's different, now, and he likes to think that he is older and hopefully wiser and that sort of happiness is not quite out of his reach. Because when they finally do break apart for air, Killian knows that he would not change a single thing if it means that Emma wouldn't still be looking at him the way she is now.

"I told you, Swan. I'm a survivor," he says, and watches the way the corners of her mouth quirk up into something like a smile, her hand sliding over his shoulder to rest on his chest as though to make sure his heart is really there.

"I know," she says again, softly, softly, and leans in to kiss him again. And maybe its her magic, maybe that's something to do with it, but he swears her can taste something almost possessive in her kiss, something gently whispering in the back of his mind that his heart was never something for Rumpelstiltskin to take. That fierce, wild anger that manages to steal his breath away once more, how dare they, _how dare they..._

It makes him smile against her lips, a soft chuckle rising up in his throat.

She is not Milah. But he has a feeling that if it came down to it, she would be the one staring down a Crocodile as well, no trace of fear in her eyes, protecting what is and will always be hers.

* * *

_**I happened to watch the episode "The Crocodile" juuuust before the season finale tonight...and I realized that both Emma and Milah have had to defend Hook's heart from Gold at one point. Thus you have this incessant babbling that I wrote in one sitting instead of my Psychology homework. Oopsies.**_

_**Captain Swan is life though. God, let me find someone who loves me like Killian Jones loves Emma Swan...**_

_**I do not own Once Upon a Time.**_

_**Mischief Managed!**_


End file.
